Tiger Woods’ 14 (and counting) alleged mistresses and those of the leadership in the Georgia General Assembly are beginning to blend together. It’s all a blur of text messaging, fake Louboutin’s, state legislation and family values. Help, I can’t differentiate! Who’s the scoundrel?

I’m no newcomer to politics or political games. I’ve been hanging around the Gold Dome since 1990. I’ve seen many Capitol trysts.

In fact, I was the gal lobbyist who screamed “wrong” when a Democratic  legislator wore a barbecue apron (complete with a fake penis) onto the floor of the State House. The novelty apron scared the bejesus out of a young page working down at the Capitol (and really PO’ed the page’s mom). The incident led to a summer-long criminal investigation and wound up with me testifying against a state legislator for being a jackass — not one of my more fond memories in Georgia politics.

Fast forward to 2009 and the Speaker of the House gets outed by his ex-wife for having an affair with a lobbyist. That disclosure began a domino effect in the House leadership, resulting in the recent election of David Ralston (R-Blue Ridge) as the new Speaker. Ralston is pledging to clean up the whole mess with ethics legislation.

Now, the word on the street is there is a similar scenario setting up on the Senate side.

Everyone at the Capitol knows about these romantic relationships between elected officials and lobbyists. They’ve gone on for years. Back in the day, when the Democrats controlled life under the Gold Dome, there was lots of hanky panky, but since there weren’t a lot of female lobbyists the affairs were between legislators and their secretaries. Certainly not healthy, but no state business hung in the balance.

Now that women lobbyists make up about one-third of the hallway lobby suck-up corps, the playground has expanded, and containing these love affairs is more difficult.

Interestingly, though, for some of these women, the lure of the “Capitol love affair” has become part of doing business; it’s how they attain and maintain lobby contracts.

It was widely discussed last year that a transit lobby contract was awarded because of the “special” relationship the female lobbyist had with the then-Speaker.

You can imagine how those female lobbyists who didn’t have special relationships with elected officials felt left out and wondered whether sex should be added to their business arsenal. 

In defense of her business style, one of the women in the alleged ring of lobby floozies told the media she was angry about how this scandal was handled. She believed it was all a plot by male lobbyists in an attempt to steal away contracts. Now, she said, it would be impossible to be a pretty lady and work at the Capitol.

Huh? Now that’s some interesting pseudo-feminist logic.

At the Capitol, people talk openly about whom is sleeping with whom and the floozies wear their relationships with elected officials like a badge of honor. There’s no scarlet letter in 2010. “A” means they cut the best grade back at the home office.

And what of the role of the corporations who hire the floozies? You’ve just gotta believe that the gal with the short skirt and high heels must be a better lobbyist than the woman in the pants suit with sensible shoes and the turtleneck sweater.

But the minute you become romantically involved with your client, you lose that client. It’s inevitable. This rule applies in most, if not all, business relationships.

I remember riding in an elevator at the Capitol years ago with a young lobbyist employed by a chamber of commerce. During the brief ride she began sobbing, “He said he loved me,” opining over her failed relationship with an elected official who controlled the state’s purse strings.

That young lobbyist quickly became a liability to her client and was moved to another position – outside Atlanta. A similar scenario played out in recent months with former Speaker Glenn Richardson when it became known he had a special relationship with a young lobbyist who happened to represent a client in need of a gas pipeline.

Honestly, is ethics legislation the fix?

I’m not convinced anything will change at the state Capitol. Lobbying, after all, is really about maintaining relationships. You can cap the amount of gifts, dinners and the like, but can you regulate cute girls who flirt relentlessly? Is that a crime now?

If lobby reform were in the air we would have seen female lobbyists show up last week in itchy wool suits that buttoned up to their necks.

As I watched one of the more infamous floozies teeter around on four-inch heels in a short skirt and a low-cut blouse in freezing cold temperatures on opening day, with her head held high, in almost defiant fashion, I remembered the words of a former state representative: “You can’t change the laws of nature.”